I saw this headline and thought, boring…. Not that I hate those that are overweight, as hey more power to you if you are. But I figured that this would be just another fatty suing someone else because he decided to wake up, finally look in the mirror and say “Is that really me?! I am fat! This could not possibly be my fault so who can I blame?!” Or more realistically, how can I get rich quick – am I right?
Nope! Wow, was I wrong! Well sorta, as it would appear to me that this guy is obviously attempting to get rich quick, but in the most maddening yet glorious of ways! Our dear friend Martin Kessman is literally suing White Castle because he cannot fit into their booths. I will let you pause, re-read, then see the picture below of our good friend courtesy of MSNBC
You can’t make this stuff up!
‘Martin Kessman, 64, has filed a lawsuit seeking unspecified financial damages against the fast-food chain, claiming that his local White Castle is in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act because the seating cannot accommodate a customer of his size. A federal lawsuit filed last week claims that in April 2009, Kessman smacked his knee into a metal post while trying to wedge himself into the stationary seating at a White Castle in Nanuet, N.Y., near his home.’
You say what now? I am sorry Martin, maybe you’re a good guy and all, but if I was one of those Americans With Disabilities that Act was supposed to protect, I would sue you for squishing me into the same category as you (I couldn’t resist the pun). And did you hit your poor knee? Here’s an idea bud, leave the White Castle and walk of the pain, clearly you could use the exercise.
What makes me mad though is this:
After limping out of the store in pain, he wrote multiple letters to White Castle’s corporate headquarters in Columbus, Ohio, complaining about the inadequate seating situation and his embarrassment in having to try to fit into a chair at the Rockland County location. White Castle’s response was a series of “condescending letters’’ and three coupons for a total of nine free hamburgers, according to the lawsuit.
“But the cheese was extra!’’ he wrote in the lawsuit.
The Cheese was extra?! Dear God, that is outrageous! I mean, listen White Castle, next time someone writes to you complaining that they can’t fit in your seats, can I ask that you not send them any free burgers?! Clearly, if the person thinks him being too large to fit in your seats, means that the seats are too small to accommodate his midsection, then a) you shouldn’t be encouraging him to eat any more, and b) why give something away for free when you know he is going to buy it anyways?! Finally, if you are going to give the fatty a free burger, don’t make him pay for the cheese! What are you people, animals?!
And alas, now I feel bad:
“Despite the humiliation, Kessman — who says he's been eating the chain's famous 'sliders' for 52 years — still sends his wife on burger runs to White Castle because he is too embarrassed to return to the store, according to The Post.”
Truly, I feel bad after reading that, as what evil trick I ask, did this man play on whatever fool of a woman he tricked into marrying him?! Martin, help a guy out! How in the world are you married and I am still single?! And to Mrs Kessman: Mam, next time Martin asks you to go get him more White Castle, get in the car and keep driving right past that store…